How to make it extra special without breaking the bank!
It’s that time of year again when the shops start filling up with overpriced cards, flowers, chocolates, and cute little teddy bears holding ‘I love you’ hearts in preparation for the annual day of love – Valentine’s Day!
You might see it as a chance to celebrate your love in a special way. Or you might take the view that ‘it’s all a con’ or a ‘marketing ploy’. Your partner might agree that you don’t need a designated day to express love, yet there could be an unspoken desire for a heartfelt gesture. Sometimes we can be quite complex in our expectations around Valentine’s Day. We might tell you that we don’t mind, or say there’s no need to make a fuss, and we might well mean it, but we might also be secretly hoping for something memorable. This is certainly the case with a lot of the women I know.
We can thank the Victorians for the tradition of giving flowers and chocolates on Valentine’s Day. Richard Cadbury is credited with selling elaborately decorated heart-shaped boxes filled with delicious chocolate treats, adorned with pictures of Cupid and roses. These boxes became cherished keepsakes, often passed down through generations, holding locks of hair and love letters – a testament to enduring love. In Victorian courtship, flowers held significant meaning, with each color conveying a different message. Roses symbolized love, and we still see them as the flower of love to this day. Hence their status as a Valentine’s Day staple.
While these things are lovely in themselves, the whole box of chocolates and a card thing has become so ubiquitous now that it’s practically cliché. While appreciated, it’s too easy to pop to a shop and collect the necessary artifacts that, unless you’re a new couple just starting out, the gesture itself can rarely be considered romantic in a serious long-term relationship. If you’re wanting to make it special, you might be concerned that it will end up costing you a fortune. But the good news is, you can make it extra special without needing to spend more than you usually would.
You see, what women really want and crave is the thing that these gifts are supposed to represent. That is, to feel special, loved, and appreciated. That’s it and that’s all. Make your woman feel these things and your Valentine’s mission has been accomplished. If you know how to do that, then great – go do that thing, but if you don’t, it’s going to take a little bit more effort than just popping over to Aldis.
So, are you suggesting we skip buying the Valentines Day stuff?
Not necessarily. You could still opt for the traditional Valentine’s Day gifts, but to make it feel really special, present them in a way that feels authentic and romantic, tailored to your partner’s preferences. To do that, you need to truly understand what your partner needs to feel special and appreciated, and this can vary for everyone.
According to Gary Chapman everyone has one of 5 love languages. These are:
Acts of service – For this person actions speak louder than words. This person appreciates things you do that could make their life easier. For example, taking the rubbish out or doing your share of the household chores.
Words of affirmation – This person feels great when they hear words that are kind and encouraging. They long to be complimented or supported without having to ask for it. –
Quality time – This person values one-to-one time and your undivided attention. They want to spend time together without any distractions.
Physical touch – No, this doesn’t necessarily mean sex. Intimate gestures such as holding hands while out and about, or hugging on the sofa may be what’s needed to show this person you care.
Receiving gifts – This person feels great when you give them well thought out gifts. It could be something extravagant, or it could be as simple as picking up their favorite treat.
The love languages describe the preferred way a person gives and receives love. Most people have a little of each, but there is usually a preference for one or two over the others. Knowing your partner’s love language, and letting them know yours, can help you both feel special and appreciated. Not only could that ultimately improve your relationship, but it would also help you to make sure your Valentine’s Day gesture is appreciated and is valued by your partner.
For example, let’s say your partner is a ‘quality time’ person and all they want to do is have your undivided attention. If you buy them a big extravagant gift, they may see it as a hollow gesture, or that you are trying to ‘buy them’. Plus, you’ve also spent money you didn’t need to when just giving them your time would have actually done the trick.
Knowing your partner’s love language will really help them feel seen and valued for who they are.
How can I figure out my partner’s love language?
The best way to figure out your partner’s love language is just to ask them. Ideally, you both take the test and then exchange results. This gesture in and of itself is a fantastic way to show your partner that you really care about the relationship, and you are wanting to make them happy. It will also help to convey your love language to them which may help to make you happy too.
If you’re running out of time, you want to surprise them, or for whatever reason, you feel like it’s not the right time to ask, you could try to work it out.
Get to know the 5 love languages first. Gary Chapman has written quite a few books on the subject, but the original book, ‘The Five Languages of Love’, is probably the place to start. If you don’t have time to read the full book, just examine the descriptions above and carefully consider which one you think may apply to your partner. Sometimes people are pretty evenly split between two love language and sometimes people have a very big preference for one over the other, so you may be torn between a couple initially.
Next, think about the things your partner does to show you they care. Often the way we show love for others reflects our own love language. Do they often buy special and thoughtful things for you? If so, it could be that their love language is ‘receiving gifts’. Or do they frequently shower you with compliments? If so, perhaps ‘words of affirmation’ is their love language. If you’re feeling down, what does your partner do to cheer you up? Do they give you a big hug or reach out to hold your hand? If so, physical intimacy may be their love language. Now think about the last time you had an argument, or
“Do they give you a big hug or reach out to hold your hand? If so, physical intimacy may be their love language. Now think about the last time you had an argument, or the last time you heard your partner complain about something in your relationship. If it’s ‘you’re always distracted’, then perhaps their love language is ‘quality time’. If it’s ‘you never help me’, it could be that ‘acts of service’ is their love language. It’s not always nice to think about areas of difficulty in our relationship, but working to address those issues is the best way to improve your relationship.
Ideas to make their Valentine’s Day extra special
Now that you know their love language, you’re ready to personalize your Valentine’s Day gesture for maximum impact, and the best part is, you can make it work for your budget!
If their love language is ‘Acts of Service’, your gesture is:
Flowers + Help.
Buy your flowers as usual, but don’t just give them to her in a bunch. Trim them and put them in water for her so she doesn’t have to. To do this, just cut the stems at an angle, pour in the plant food, and then make sure you remove any leaves so that they are not sitting in water. Now, do some jobs or errands, in or outside of the home, which you know would really help her out. Offer to pick up the kids if you can, or clean the house from top to bottom. Get rid of that pile of rubbish in the garden you keep meaning to clear or fix that shelf you keep promising to do. Don’t tell her you’re doing it – just do it! Even better would be to do it when she gets home. You go buy dinner and cook it, make sure it’s something she likes, and then when she gets home from work run her a bath.
If their love language is ‘Words of Affirmation’, your gesture is:
Card + words
Begin the day by taking a moment to tell her how much you love and appreciate her. Now, when she goes to work, make a list of all the things you love about her and, on the hour, every hour, throughout the day, send her a message with one of the things on your list. At 9 am you might write, ‘I hope you have a wonderful day at work, I miss you already’ then at 10 am you might write ‘darling, I just want to tell you that I have always loved the way you smile and I think about it often’. Make sure your words are sincere and tailored to your special person. When you choose a Valentine’s Day card, really look at the words. Take your time to choose something which really expresses how you feel. Words of affirmation people will usually value that so much more than the picture, but again make sure it’s sincere.
If their love language is ‘Quality Time’, your gesture is:
Dinner + Listen
Now, if you want to splash out on a lovely dinner, book a table somewhere you know she would love to go to. Make sure it’s somewhere romantic and intimate. If you don’t have the money to pay Valentine’s Day prices, don’t worry, you can make (or order) a lovely dinner at home. But here’s the special part. Put your phone/TV remote in a box and tell her tonight, you are all hers. Then, don’t pick up your phone or watch TV for the entire night. When you have dinner, spend time listening and focusing on her. Ask her questions about herself, ‘how are you?’, ‘what was your day like?’, ‘how’s your work going?’. If she talks about something that bothers her, don’t try to come up with a solution, say ‘I’m sorry you’re going through it’, or ‘how’d you feel about that?’ Make her feel like she is the most important thing in the room and you will succeed.
If their love language is ‘Physical Touch’, your gesture is:
Wine + Massage
Go and buy some lovely massage oil if you don’t have any, and a bottle of your partner’s favorite tipple, you’re going to create a relaxing spa atmosphere at home. Burn a candle, dim the lights and play some relaxing spa music. When she gets home, start with a glass of whatever she likes best and give her a list of the massages you could perform. This could be something like a back massage, hand massage, head massage, foot massage etc. You could include an intimate one on there to spice it up if you think it appropriate. If not, leave it off. But let her decide which type of massage she wants. When you massage, make sure you don’t press too hard at first and be guided by her for the pressure. Most importantly, don’t let the massage get intimate unless she asks for it. A lot of the time this love language is confused with sex and while that can be a part of it, it’s not necessarily the case.
If their love language is ‘Receiving Gifts’, your gesture is… well, isn’t it obvious?
Yes, that’s right — you give them a gift! So, is it just a matter of buying the usual Valentine’s Day fare? Not if it wasn’t very well thought out and personalized for them. A common misconception of this type is that they appreciate any gift — not true. They value gifts that are special and meaningful. This could be a lovely piece of jewelry symbolizing your love, perhaps a bracelet with a heartfelt message they can treasure forever. Maybe it’s giving them something they’ve had their eye on for months, but never bought for themselves. However, gifts for this person don’t need to cost a fortune. As a random example, if they absolutely love to cook Japanese food, you could find a cookbook at a charity shop. The effort it took for you to get something personal to them really shows these people how much you know them. It helps them feel seen and understood. So, take your time choosing the gift and be sure it’s something they are genuinely going to love.
Valentine’s Day is definitely an opportunity for shops to cash in on romance, but it may also be a great opportunity for you to learn more about your partner and bring you both closer together. Why not just embrace that as it could pay dividends, after all, it’s only one day and it will soon be the 15th of February.
So, in the spirit of the season, Happy Valentine’s Day!”